I Will Kill Thee and Love Thee After

Location: Boston, Massachusetts, United States

I'm a first year graduate student at Tufts University in the Drama department.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

All Work and No Play...

Well, maybe a little play. Last night Erik and I needed a break from all of our work, so we headed from class straight to the Prudential Center. I bought a fountain pen, and I really, really like it. I used it last night to make extensive notes on the opening of my play, which is now tentatively titled "Ariadne." I also went to Barnes and Noble in search of the new Rue Morgue, but they only had the last issue, which I bought anyway. I think I'm going to ask for another subscription for Xmas. It has been months since my last one ran out, and I'm kind of missing my only link to the horror world. Speaking of Xmas, I have not gone Xmas shopping AT ALL. Something else to do next week...

I am thinking of switching around my class schedule for next semester and taking Brecht (an undergraduate course that I can get graduate credit for), Shakespeare, and Chinese Drama. I'm also going to audience German 102, because I really need some practice.

I've got another busy week ahead of me after all this school work is over. I have to get a hair cut and clean the apartment, and more importantly, apply to a few English programs. I'm applying to Boston U, Boston College, Brown, and probably Brandeis. I really, really would like to go to Brown. Really, really, really. I also have to apply for a new loan, get my sewing machine fixed, etc. Now I have to go finish three short assignments, even though I would rather do almost anything else in the world...

Saturday, December 03, 2005

A Little Girl Playing Pirate

I just finished watching Alien Resurrection. I want to say that it was a really bad film, but I actually enjoyed it and I think I understand what the writer was trying to go for. So I'll have to say that it was an entertaining, though mediocre film. Sigourey Weaver was at her best, though. And her sexiest.

I'm not sure what to do with the rest of my night. I went through about five books on Macbeth today, so I don't think I can handle any more studying or researching. I also spent entirely too much time adding more Gothic and Supernatural inspired books to my Amazon wishlist. Erik went to a party some of the rowers are throwing, and I opted to stay here. Today was a bit strained. We were both sitting on the couch reading or doing work for the better part of the day, but the loveseat is just too small for that to work out for too long. And I need more personal space than most people. I also spent the entire day with my nose in a book (well, a variety of them), and that always makes me feel out of joint and quiet. And then Erik was paranoid I would get upset when he wanted to go out without me. I rarely have fun when we go out with his friends, for a number of reasons. Mainly, I'm a snob, and I require intelligent conversation along with my drinking, but that isn't usually what a bunch of college and post-college age athletes are after. Also, Erik doesn't have a good time, because he expects me to behave badly, and vice versa. We both seem to have more fun when its just the two of us. I love his friends from PA, but I get terrifically bored when we hang out with his college friends. He also doesn't seem to have much with my friends from high school, but I don't blame him.

So there is no real problem, I'm just a little grumpy that I have to spend Saturday night alone. Time to pick out another movie.

The Briar and the Rose

I've actually been posting in livejournal lately, so this journal has been kind of silent for the past week. I remember back in the earlier years of college when I used to post every day. I still don't know how I managed to have so much free time.

Today was blissfully quiet, but also busy. In no particular order I: ate pumpkin iced cream, dyed my hair black, did a lot of research for my Macbeth paper (in fact, I'm taking a break from that now), watched Bram Stoker's Dracula, had a crab-cake salad for lunch, found an affordable Victorian mourning hair brooch on ebay, which I am now watching like a hawk (the bid ends tomorrow), found a bunch of long, black skirts on ebay I am also watching, and bought more things I've been lusting after on Amazon (I got a particularly large paycheck this week). This is what I bought: The Call of Cthulhu DVD, the Norton Critical edition of Bram Stoker's Dracula, The Cambridge Companion to Gothic Fiction, Boito's opera Mefistofele, and Christopher Wood's Victorian Painting. I'm dying with excitement for them all to get here.

I just finished listening to Tom Waits's Rain Dogs, which is an excellent album if you've never heard it. Now I'm going to finish Paul Jorgenson's Our Naked Frailties, put on a new CD, and see about dinner.

Friday, November 25, 2005

A Brief Thanksgiving

I'm back in MA. Erik and I wound up leaving Thursday night (of last week) for NJ, and so we left last night after Thanksgiving dinner #2. It is good to be home, and nice to have quiet time and catch up on some work.

I had a pretty busy week. I hung out with Mike, Lauryn, Megan, Amanda, and Riss, and still managed a few quiet nights at home. I saw my dad a lot, and my other grandmother took me sweater shopping. I saw Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire twice, once on IMAX. I played almost every Super Nintendo game we own. Thanksgiving dinner was delicious, well, they both were, as I ate with my mom's parents, and my dad's family. It was also on the quiet side, which was very nice. Erik and I had some of the Turducken, so we weren't very faithful fishitarians yesterday. I have to say that it was damn good, though. I also had crab about 8 million times. My grandmother made her special crabcakes for dinner Sunday, I had delicious crabmeat cheesecake with onions and mushrooms for lunch Tuesday, and Wednesday and Thursday my uncle had his special crabcakes out. I'm kind of kicking myself for not bringing a few of the left-over cakes back. Speaking of left-overs, we have a ton. I kind of wish we only had healthy food, but its too yummy to resist.

Overall it was a really nice week, and I had some very calming realizations about school. My main plan now is to finish up my MA at Tufts, and then next Fall apply to several PhD programs in Comparative Lit. If I improve my GRE scores I might even be able to get into Brown or Princeton, or maybe Harvard. (Yeah... right.) I realized I don't belong in an English department, because my major interests are contemporary Japanese and nineteenth century Northern European drama. I.e. languages that are not English. But I still want to specialize in drama, I just don't feel like I'm learning very much at Tufts. I also have a concrete plan for my Masters Thesis. I want to focus on nineteenth century northern European drama. I have two ideas. #1 is the same as my Senior undergrad Thesis: the influence of French comedy on Wedekind's Lulu Plays. My thesis was crap and I didn't explore the ideas nearly as fully (or as articulately) as I would like. #2 is a study of the "dance of death" as represented in the dramatic literature of that period. Here is an example: In Strindberg's Miss Julie and Ibsen's A Doll's House, the two female protagonists each perform increasingly feverish, sexual dances that illustrate their psycological move toward death, real or symbolic. (Nora doesn't actually die, but she completely abandons life). The great modernist composer Stravinsky's The Rites of Spring actually featured a ballerina dancing herself to death at the original performance. I believe Dali also has a painting (or several paintings) feauturing a dancer with a death-mask. Why all these images? There has to be a fruitful thesis behind all that.

Over the week Erik and I finished Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, and tonight we're going to begin Harry Potter and the Prizoner of Azkaban, so I better go finish up my homework reading before he comes back from the grocery store.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Dreams so bad I threw my pillow away

This week has been a blur.
Sunday I made Erik brownies with crushed candy canes and dark and milk chocolate chunks sprinkled on top. That night I had horrible dreams and tossed and turned all night. Thus Monday was a haze, a cranky haze at that. Tuesday I took the day off and accomplished very, very little. My package from Avalon arrived at the last possible moment, and everything is lovely. I got shampoo and conditioner, two different kinds of face wash, toner, body moisturizer, and facial moisturizer. It all works very well and comes highly recommended. Tuesday Erik and I watched Eddie Izzard’s Dress to Kill again, and I had an evening full of little frustrations. Wednesday class was as dull and annoying as usual, but it is almost over. At night we went to Friday’s for a dinner of greasy appetizers (greasy, but comfort food), and they actually remembered to take the bacon off the potato skins. We got the new Depeche Mode album, Playing the Angel, which has turned out to be really good. I am listening to it on repeat this morning. And speaking of angels, I’ve decided on my next tattoo. It is a black and white engraving from 1470 entitled Michael and the Dragon, by Martin Schongauer. Look it up – it is definitely a thing of beauty. Also, before bed last night, I watched the always entertaining Constantine. I swear, that film is the only thing that got me through the second half of an 8 hour flight from Paris this summer.

I am desperately awaiting break. I need it so badly… I have class today, and then tonight I have a lot of Japanese work to do. Tomorrow I have work, and then we only have one more class on Monday before I can drive home. The only think I am looking forward to until then is finishing up a bunch of things this weekend, and Harry Potter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tomorrow.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Another busy weekend…

...but also very pleasant.

Friday we went out to dinner for crappy bar seafood in Central Sqaure, and then we went “clothes” shopping. And by clothes, I mean godiva chocolate truffles (candy cane truffles rock my world), Yankee candles (Christmas cookie smells a million times better than any Christmas cookie in existence), and… *drumroll* …a Playstation 2 and a new TV. Needless to say we are NOT getting eachother Xmas presents this year. We got a few games as well: Capcom Classics, Final Fantasy X, Kingdom Hearts, and Silent Hill 3. Erik is going to buy Final Fantasy 7 and Marvel vs Capcom 2, as soon as he can find them on ebay.

Saturday we completely finished moving. FINALLY. I feel like the past five years of my life were spent in transit, and it is nice to be in an apartment that is (or at least feels like it is) completely ours. And we love it. The only problem we had is that the large couch wouldn’t fit through the door, so no more sofa bed, not that we get many visitors. We donated a hell of a lot of crap to Goodwill, Salvation Army, and random street corners. Saturday night when we drove past Davis Square to pick up Jamie, all of it had disappeared. We had a decent dinner at Koreana. I think we just had a better time than we did a meal, so it was all worth it. We also stopped at the Porter exchange, which has a Japanese bakery, food-court, bubble tea stand, and grocery store. There was Pocky for all. Erik for some reason fell asleep at 9pm, and I stayed up almost too late playing Kingdom Hearts.

Today we did a lot of busy-stuff. Grocery shopping, laundry, apartment cleaning, and so on. I did find some amazing mango-ginger Stilton at Trader Joe’s, and it comes HIGHLY recommened. I also tried something else new: I bought POM pomegranate-mango juice, and Erik accidentally bought a bottle of selzer water. I usually hate selzer, but I mixed them together and it's damn good. Tonight I have a lot more Japanese homework to do. I’m a little bit less than halfway through it, but I think it’s going well. I also plan to make brownies with candy canes sprinkled across the top, because Erik and I seem to be going through a chocolate peppermint phase. And tonight hopefully we can read another chapter of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, and maybe fall asleep to a film, now that there is finally a TV in the bedroom…

Friday, November 11, 2005


Studying Japanese is infinetely more exciting than reading what Ben Jonson has to say about tragedy. I understand why I have to take this Classical Dramatic Theory seminar, but DAMN is it boring sometimes...

My tutor and I came up with a studying regime for me to learn enough to take Japanese II, and basically I have to do a chapter a week, and then two chapters over winter break, by myself. I find it really exciting though, so I think if I do a little every day, I can finish it. She also told me about this great Japanese baker in the mini-mall in Porter square that I have to try, and I told her where to find Choya (yummy plum wine) really close by.

I wish I had a hiragana keyboard, so I could practice my letters more quickly, but I guess I'm just going to have to write them all out.

Around it goes.

At work again. It seems as though I'm always at work in these posts, but this is where I have the most time to write, and the internet is a bit more stable than at home.

Right now I'm drinking blueberry tea. It's interesting, but I'm not sure about it yet. I have a meeting with my tutor in a little under an hour, and my Japanese is not going well. I hope she can help me work out a concrete schedule, or else I'm never going to make it into Japanese 2 next semester.

I'm trying to think about what I've done since Tuesday... Played a lot of Game Cube. Mostly Ocarina of Time. Watched The Aviator, which was not worth my three hours. Cate Blanchett was the best thing about the film, and I'm sorry there wasn't more of her. Went to class. Took a lot of naps. And last night Erik and I got through two and a half chapters of Harry Potter. I really enjoy having someone to read to, as well as being read to.

This weekend should be pretty busy. Saturday morning we are going to finish moving - just my vanity and the couches, and then we have to do a quick cleaning. That evening we're going out to dinner with Jamie, one of our friends from class. We are also going warm clothes shopping at some point, because I only have knee-length skirts to wear, and about two sweaters.

For lunch today I got a goat cheese and sundried tomato from the cafe down the street. I have high hopes for this place, and I want to try the salad NOW. But I have to wait until it's time to meet with my tutor, or else I won't really have a reason to be in the library cafe, when I'm supposed to be in the graduate lounge.

The lounge is blessedly quiet this morning/afternoon.

My friend Robin, who also has a blogger, keeps posting on her livejournal about her new polaroid camera. I think I have polaroid envy... I just can't get into digital cameras, but I don't have the time to devote to a "real" camera. And I fucking hate it when other people develop my pictures.

Because Erik loves me very much, he is driving half an hour to the main Fed-Ex center in MA to pick up a package we missed. It is either a package containing Maneki Neko and two strings of miniature paper lanterns, or a box of all the tea we ordered from Stashtea.com. Then we have to go pick the other one up after work. I am also eagerly awaiting a package from Avalon, but that will hopefully come to the proper address.

Everyone should get a subscription (only $10 a month) to Cait Kiernan's Sirenia Digest. It will contain illustrated erotic vignettes and other short fiction, as well as occasional extra goodies, like monster doodles, coupons to Subterranean Press, etc. Go to greygirlbeast on livejournal -or- www.caitlinrkiernan.com to find out more. If anyone deserves your $10 a month, she surely does.

And now I must go eat my salad and speak very little Japanese very poorly.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Ho, ho, ho.

I forgot to mention the idea I had for this Xmas. I don't really get along with my mom's side of the family very well, but I am relatively close with my grandparents, and I see everyone during the holidays. I am expected to buy some of them Xmas presents, but... Well, there are a number of issues. One being that I don't even know them. So all I can get them for Xmas is useless crap, rather than a meaningful, personal gift. This year, instead of wasting my money, I have an idea. I'm thinking of picking a charity, probably Oxfam, and just donating the money I would have spent on Xmas presents. I'll probably do that with some of my relatives on my dad's side as well, because it is the sort of thing they would appreciate. Esp my grandparents.

Pray you, who does the wolf love?

For some reason I am exhausted today. I had an appointment with a nutritionist this morning, and when I came home I had to take a nap. If there was a bed in the graduate lounge, I would take another one right now.

Roughly four more hours at work. I have a long list of things do to - mostly reading - and I wonder if I will be able to finish it all? Right now I'm not even halfway through Coriolanus, and that was #1 on my list.

I need to get a new face wash, because I'm almost out of my Burt's Bees line. I was happy with it, but I still think I can find something a better for my skin. I'm looking at Lush cosmetics and Avalon Organics. I think I might get Avalon's lavender line for sensitive/dry skin.

Oops, I was so busy looking at face products that I completely forgot about this entry. I was reading a ton of reviews about Avalon lavender, and I think I'm going to give it a try.