I Will Kill Thee and Love Thee After

Location: Boston, Massachusetts, United States

I'm a first year graduate student at Tufts University in the Drama department.

Monday, October 31, 2005

Strange, Quiet Halloween

Tonight was supposed to be busy and exciting. After dinner (spaghetti with portobellas, red peppers, shallots, pearl onion, and vodka sauce) we were going to go see the Dresden Dolls, and then hop over to a Halloween party at another grad student's house. But... we didn't feel like it. I had a really nice, relaxing night, but I'm a little sad that I didn't actually celebrate Halloween.

Instead we went through our entire library, and got rid of a LOT of books. We have about 10 Whole Foods bags full of books to take to the library tomorrow, which will probably free up one or two of the small bookshelves. Our plan for the new apartment is to put all the bookshelves in the hallway, so that we can line books up across the top of them as well. Then I'll get a small bookshelf for my crafts, a small bookshelf for my office crap, and Erik will get one too. We also got rid of some DVDs and VHS tapes, and we packed a huge box full. We get the key to the new apartment tomorrow, so we're going over there with a measuring tape, and possibly a few boxes. I'm extremely excited.

Where can I order henna? Or preferrably, is there a store I can buy it from?

So after all the organizing, Erik read me the first chapter of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. I started to read the second chapter to him, but he was out like a light. So I took a really hot shower, packed up my vanity, and got my sponges all clean and ready for tomorrow. Ick. I barely used them last month, because, truth be told, they make me a little nervous. But I think I'm going to give them another shot, particularly when I'm just sitting at home. I also got some natural tampons from Trader Joe's.

For some reason I really enjoy mundane entries like these. I think I'm going to snuggle up to Erik, start a silly vampire book my dad bought me (Dead Until Dark with a main character named Sookie Stackhouse), and try to get some sleep.


I almost forgot -

Happy Halloween!


I am finally finished with the goddamned paper. I have the same kind of feeling I had in undergrad when all the mid-term exams were over. I want to spend the week packing and moving things to the new apartment. I do have a lot of reading and Japanese homework to do, but I think I'm going to slack on my reading a little this week.

I can't wait for Thanksgiving. By then we will be settled in the new apartment, and the semester will basically be finished. After Thanksgiving I will come back to another week or so of classes, and have to write three papers. Then it will all be over! Until next semester, that is...

Oh, last night I also ordered some henna for my hair, because every time I get dark red dye it washes out in two seconds. I also finally sent my grandfather a list of spices I wanted (he asked me to about two months ago), and they are basically a chai set, a set of curry spices, and two different Asian spice blends. Hopefully he'll get most of them for me, because good spices can get kind of expensive.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

A Quiet Halloween Weekend

I'm finally home. Not much really happened while I was home, but I'll write about it anyway.

Thursday was a blur. I finished less than half of what I intended, but I got to the airport and got home ok. The plane ride was fast and not too crownded, and I slept through take off. I was excited to see my dad and grandparents, and I talked to them until I went to sleep. My room at home is very empty, cold, and boring. So I fell asleep lonely, missing Erik.

Friday my grandmother made my skirt for me, because I was feeling lazy. She also made me a scarf out of my gray thermal material. I'll have to post pictures. I also left all my material there, including the kimono pieces, because there simply wasn't enough time to do any sewing, and I'll be back in three weeks for Thanksgiving. Oh, Thursday my $4 red, cotton maryjanes came in the mail, so now I can make my Kill Bill shoes. That's about all the crafting I'm going to have time for over the next few weeks anyway. I had lunch with Lauryn at Kaminski's, and we had yummy, bad-for-you nachos. Actually, I ate atrociously all weekend, and I fully intented to start eating uber-healthy tomorrow. I was home in time for dinner, and my dad and Claire came over.

Claire told me her step-father collects Japanese and Asian antiques, including tea ceremony accessories, furniture, kimono and obi material, swords, other weapons, etc. Over Thanksgiving she is going to take me to see some of his stuff. He actually has a warehouse full, so I really hope he'll give me some things, namely material, small furniture, and tea ceremony accessories. Sunday morning she sent over two obi. One is beautiful, the other is kind of ugly, though it could look nice with the right kimono. Again, I'll have to post pictures. Oh, he also has a ton of reference books, so I'm hoping to find something about ushiguma for my presentation/paper. I doubt he has any.

After dinner I was getting debating on whether I wanted to hang out with Lauryn or Riss, when Erik called me. I was kind of pissed, because he hadn't called all day. But... he was calling me from the Philadelphia Airport. Surprise! He apparently hated the conference and Houston, so he bought a really expensive, last minute ticket, and flew home to me. My dad and I picked him up, and then he and I went out for crappy food and drinks and Friday's. It was so nice to see him unexpectedly.

Saturday my dad and I went to lunch, had a really good, long conversation, and he took me shopping for sweaters. I bought two black turtlenecks, but they both looked stupid when I tried them on at home, so now my dad has to return them. When we got home my aunt was there, and it was nice to have her visit. We all went to Target, so Erik and I could look for furniture, but we didn't find anything. Of course we found a ton of shit online, but none of it is in the damn store, and shipping will be about $100. For dinner we went to Sakura Springs - I was shocked my grandparents actually consented to go to a Japanese/Chinese restaurant, because my grandfather HATES change - and it was yummy. I had shrimp dumpling, fried shrimp "nuggets," honey-almond shrimp, and a lot of plum tea. It was pretty good, esp for an Americanized place. That night Erik and I hung out with Dan and Riss. They made us real chai, which was yummy, and we watched Eddie Izzard. Again. But we were all out of it and tired. Their new apartment, which is on South St, is more convenient to get to in terms of parking, and really nice.

Today we packed, and Erik managed to get a flight closer to mine. Because he had spontaneously bought a ticket to Philly from Houston, his ticket back to Boston was for this evening. Mine was for 12:40, so it was really convenient that he could switch. I waited for him and tried out Legal Seafood (I should not have eaten anything else), and then we took a cab home together. This afternoon we cleaned a lot of crap out of the kitchen, and we went grocery shopping at Trader Joe's and Whole Foods. We got a lot of awesome, fresh food. We got basically half a cart full of food for $70 at Trader Joe's; that never would have happened at Whole Foods. This week I'm going to make Moroccan tagine. I also got incense for the bathroom, and lavendar oil so I can give myself an at-home hair and skin moisturizing treatment. My family gave Erik and I some money for the new apartment, so tonight I finally bought some of that tea I wanted to. Hopefully this week we can get some new furniture, between the money my family gave me, and the money his dad gave us. I'm SO excited about our new apartment.

I have a lot more to say, but this has already gone on long enough, and I have to finish my paper for tomorrow.

Thursday, October 27, 2005


I've slept so poorly over the past two days, that it kind of feels like one very long day.

Tuesday after work Erik and I watched Lost in Translation. It had been too long since we watched what I like to call a "comfort" film.

Yesterday I went to Yoshi's with my uncle. We got a ton of food for $30 - he got a sashimi lunch, I got a tempura lunch (with came with soup, salad, rice, and california rolls), and we also got an order of philadelphia rolls and avocado unagi. Sooo yummy. I didn't do much work yesterday, but it was kind of nice. We stopped by the house of a woman in Erik's rowing club to pick up some boxes for moving, and then we went to the realtor's, signed the lease, and paid the man. Now we can move in whenever we want after Nov. 1st! At night we had some much needed alone time, napped for what seemed like an eternity, and went down to a local bar for our Shakespeare reading. 9 people total showed up, though half of them left halfway through, and we only got halfway into Macbeth. That's a lot of halves. It was still a lot of fun, but for November's reading I think we're going to someone's house. It was too, too loud. After that Erik and I went to Friday's for some crappy food. I stayed up too late reading the BBC world news, which is quickly becoming my favorite webpage. I had a very long, strange dream about the medical examiner I used to work for, Gill Grisham, and Amanda's boyfriend on CSI.

This morning I woke up at 6:15, which must be illegal somewhere. At least I got to see the sunrise, and see Erik off to the airport, so he didn't have to take a cab. I miss him already. Today homework, errands, and getting the apartment (and myself) ready for my departure abounds. I leave tonight at 6pm for the airport, and I should get to Philly around 9:30. I can't wait to see my family though.

Until then (yes, I'm boring you with details) I have to: finish my paper, work on my Japanese, start reading for next week, go to a gyno apt, cancel my yoga membership, call about my sewing machine, clean up the apartment, make a Tom Waits shirt, and pack for home.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Jesus, Joseph, Mary, Bloody Hell.

I am bored out of my mind.
I've been at work for 3.5 hours, and I have another 2 left, because I'm leaving half an hour early. This is absolutely torturous.

So far I've done a few Japanese worksheets, and I found a few Japanese restaurants at home. We were supposed to go to Yoshi's tonight for sushi and tempura, but we 8 million left-overs that we have to finish before Thursday, so we decided to save money and stay home. We have that gross spinach and noodle bake, 1/4 pot of tomato sauce, and we made chilli for lunch today. I do have a horrible craving for Japanese food though, so I'm dragging my Dad somewhere for lunch this weekend.

I wrote two pages of my paper, and then realized it was horrible. I just finished going carefully through Aristotle and making myself a long list of questions, which I started to fill in. Its kind of like an outline, just even more basic than that. I hate this paper so much. I'm glad I can write about gialli, but it is just so un-academic, and I won't be able to use the paper for ANYTHING. I'm starting to get in a bad mood, because I wanted to finish this paper today, and it doesn't look like that's going to happen.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Window Shopping

Packing schmaking. We didn't have any boxes anyway, so it was kind of a pointless idea. I just completely wasted the last two hours walking around the apartment, thinking of things I want to change/buy for the new apartment. It was actually a lot of fun, and now I have this huge list of things I can't afford. Though Christmas is coming soon, so maybe I can con some of my family members into buying me some new furniture a month or two ahead of time.

From Target:
+Alligator bath mat. $13.
+White toy chest. $40. I need something to store my material and other craft things in. In the new apartment there is a small room (probably meant to be a laundry room) that Erik said I could have for my sewing table, my painting and collaging, and my keyboard.
+Black 4-Sided Spinning Media Tower. $180. Because we have a built-in cabinet in the living room, when we move we won't have anywhere to put my 200+ DVDs, and our 300+ CDs. Plus the records and VHS tapes. Most of these things are superfluous, but this one I actually "need."
+Black Sofa Cover. $100.
+Black Loveseat Cover. $80. I hate the color of my couch (a weird greyish color with very faint black stripes), and I'm planning on covering all the pillows anyway. In black, of course.
+Black 5-drawer chest. $200. Again, our bedroom here has a built in china cabinet, which we use as a dresser, so we will have no where to put the clothes we usually fold.
+Black entertainment stand. $50. Right now the TV is sitting on a ghetto trunk.

From Stashtea.com:
+50g chocolate peppermint tea.
+100g mango tea (this is a Christmas present for my grandmother, who loves mango tea).
+50g pomegranate tea.
+30g tin of matcha tea.
+Green tea sampler.
+Fruit tea sampler.
I ALWAYS need more tea. I also wanted green tea incense, green tea mints, honey sticks, and a tea chest, but I have some self-restraint. Even in window shopping.

And from Cherryblossomsgardens.com:
+Maneki Neko, who is a good-luck cat that you will see in any Japanese restaurant. Erik and I want one for the kitchen.
+Sushi candles. They are really, really cute. And cheap.
+A paper lantern.
+A floor lamp. They have a few different kinds, and they're all really pretty, though some of them are a bit expensive.
+A string of mini-paper lanterns. They are so awesome!
+And possibly a shoji table (it has a light in it) if we need an end table.

So much stuff. Other than that we need boxes for moving, a bunch of black brocade, velvet, and silk to cover the couch pillows, and scented candles in glass jars. I also think the people who live there now (they showed us the apartment a week or so ago) are leaving their black round kitchen table with two stools. We should call them and make sure, because the table we have is awful. It is really crappy, and too big for the kitchen there; also we trash picked it from right outside of our apartment anyway.

I'm so damn excited about moving. But now I'm going to have a snack and pick Erik up from work.


Guess what?

We got the apartment!!! We are going over on Wednesday to give them the first check and to get our keys!

I think I might spend tonight doing some packing, since Erik will be at work till 8.

My plans for the week:
Tonight I'm going to watch Deep Red with Erik. Tomorrow morning I'm going to call Singer about my broken sewing machine, cancel my yoga membership and buy a 5-class card instead, and then watch Torso. Then I have work from 2 - 8, so my ultimate goal is to work on nothing but my paper, and hopefully to finish at least the first draft of it. Wednesday I have to finish the paper, if any work is left on it, go see my new landlord, do an assload of Japanese work, and browse over all the reading due next week. Then at 9pm we're doing a reading of Macbeth at the Burren in Davis Sq. Huzzah for booze and Shakespeare. Thursday I have to pack, finish up any last minute work, go to a gyno appointment, have dinner all by my lonesome, because Erik will be in Texas by then, and then at 8pm I get to hop a plane home!!!

Let's see if any of these plans actually happen the way I want them to.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Long, Busy Weekend

So it has been a long weekend, and now I think I'm looking forward to this week. At first I was really, really stressed out, but now I'm feeling calm and collected. Here is a recap of my weekend:

Friday I didn't go to work. I went to the fabric store and got material to makes scarves. I started to learn Japanese. I discovered this ROCKING Japanese restaurant we are going to sometime soon. Go check out the fantabulous, huge menu: www.oishiisushi.com. We didn't go on Friday, because it's almost half an hour away. Erik and I headed to Koreana for dinner, but the wait was 40 minutes. We should have stayed, because we proceeded to drive around for an hour + looking for food and/or parking. Eventually we wound up at Gargoyle's in Davis Sq. I think we both really enjoyed our meals, but they are the kind of place where there is only one thing I want on the menu. This was the meal:
Shared a crabcake on top of some really dark, delicious mushrooms for an appetizer
I had really good fish (I think Haddock), probably broiled, with yummy butter sauce, a variety of really subtle sauces, over top of two damn good stuffed peppers. When I think stuffed peppers, an image of greasy Jalapeno poppers appears in my mind, but these were weirdly delicate. So yummy.
For dessert we split Chai Creme Brulee; it came with strawberries and a chocolate chip cookie. I let Erik crack it, because he'd never done it before.
When we got home I ordered two scraps of antique kimono fabric for my scarves - check out PuchoMaiko.com. Naomi (the creator) is so creative! And she makes a lot of cute accessories.

Saturday we spent what seemed like a million, freezing, wet hours at the Head of the Charles. One of the biggest rowing races of the year, so it was really crowded. Erik did pretty well - he subbed in an 8 from Ireland. We had lunch at Carbury's, then we went shopping. I bought a lot of nice stuff from Marc Jacobs, and spent less than $200. Hooray for sales. I also completed my winter collection, as I like to call it, by getting a cashmere hat, and thermal black gloves. That evening I had a bit of a stress break down, but everything was ok eventually. We went out with Erik's ex from highschool. I actually had a good time, and drank WAY more than I should have. Two very strong chocolate martinis, and a rootbeer and vanilla vodka. It doesn't seem like much, but I haven't had more than a glass of wine in ages.

Today was quiet. I watched Bava'sThe Girl Who Knew Too Much and Argento's Bird with the Crystal Plumage. Now I remember why I'm doing a paper on gialli, and why I love them so much. Two great Italian films that I had waited too long to see.

I also made a somewhat disastrous spinach-noodle bake for dinner, which is kind of like a casserole with spinach, portobellas, ricotta, and noodles. I always hated casserole, so I don't know why i thought making one would be a good idea.

Just now I completely finished and printed out my Classical Dramatic Theory presentation, so I'm very relieved that is finished. Erik sh0uld be home from a rowing party any minute, so I'm going to wait for him and have some Fauchon hot chocolate, since we have real milk for once. I usually only like soy milk, but in hot chocolate I demand skim milk.

Brrr. My office is cold.

Usually I don't really lead a very exciting day. It involves class, work, reading, and what have you. I don't go out much. I think yesterday made up for that.

I spent all morning on the bank of the Charles, fucking freezing, waiting for the twenty seconds when I got to see Erik's boat race by. It was fun though, I just wish it had been warmer. He filled in with an Irish team (in an 8), since the boat he usually rows in wasn't in the race. I can't believe how crazy the head of the Charles race is. Technically it is many races, but I assume that goes without saying. Eventually Erik got back and we had lunch at Carbury's, a little cafe with obnoxious orange walls inside and out. Then we went shopping at the Cambridgeside Galleria. I bought two really nice skirts, a nice pair of pants, a cashmere hat, and thermal gloves. All from Marc Jacobs, or whatever his store is called. And I spent less than $200, which is wonderful.

At night we went out with Erik's ex-girlfriend from highschool and a bunch of her friends, and we miraculously found a spot right in front of the bar - and right across the street from the Prudential Center. For those of you who don't know, finding a spot in downtown Boston on a Saturday night when there are a couple extra thousand people in the city (who are all out partying) is impossible. I was completely drunk after two chocolate martini's and a rootbeer and vanilla vodka. I think the latter is going to be my new drink, maybe with some chocolate liquor mixed in. So this morning I feel like I need to go through detox, but tonight is the biggest party of the rowing season, so I guess I'm going to go out and do it again. Today will be spent recovering, and watching as many movies as I can squeeze in for my paper.

Brrr. My office is cold.

Usually I don't really lead a very exciting day. It involves class, work, reading, and what have you. I don't go out much. I think yesterday made up for that.

I spent all morning on the bank of the Charles, fucking freezing, waiting for the twenty seconds when I got to see Erik's boat race by. It was fun though, I just wish it had been warmer. He filled in with an Irish team (in an 8), since the boat he usually rows in wasn't in the race. I can't believe how crazy the head of the Charles race is. Technically it is many races, but I assume that goes without saying. Eventually Erik got back and we had lunch at Carbury's, a little cafe with obnoxious orange walls inside and out. Then we went shopping at the Cambridgeside Galleria. I bought two really nice skirts, a nice pair of pants, a cashmere hat, and thermal gloves. All from Marc Jacobs, or whatever his store is called. And I spent less than $200, which is wonderful.

At night we went out with Erik's ex-girlfriend from highschool and a bunch of her friends, and we miraculously found a spot right in front of the bar - and right across the street from the Prudential Center. For those of you who don't know, finding a spot in downtown Boston on a Saturday night when there are a couple extra thousand people in the city (who are all out partying) is impossible. I was completely drunk after two chocolate martini's and a rootbeer and vanilla vodka. I think the latter is going to be my new drink, maybe with some chocolate liquor mixed in. So this morning I feel like I need to go through detox, but tonight is the biggest party of the rowing season, so I guess I'm going to go out and do it again. Today will be spent recovering, and watching as many movies as I can squeeze in for my paper.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Three (or maybe five) Things That Made Me Happy Today

I did something nice for Erik. It was just a stupid errand, but he really didn't have the time to do it. And I actually didn't even do it, I went down to UPS and made them do it. And by "made" I mean "paid them to."

I bought 1/2 a yard of grey thermal material, and 1/2 a hard of thermal material that is black on one side and bright orange on the other. All for $8. Now I am going to make at least 4 scarves. AT LEAST.

I was referred to as Deighan-san for the first time.

Oh yeah... and #4 - I drove on the highway, which I haven't done in months.

And #5 - I started learning Japanese.

Lazy, lazy, lazy.

I know it is really stupid, but I'm not going to work today. Yes, it is 6 hours of paid time to do my homework, but I just don't feel like it today. For some reason Monday and Tuesday of this week really exhausted me. It just sucks, because next week my professor scheduled a seminar right in the middle of my work hours, and Friday I will be in NJ. Its not like I'm actually needed at work though, so whatever. I need a damn break today. I do feel a little guilty though. Actually, I'm contemplating not going to my seminar next week at just staying at work. Since I won't be getting any hours on Friday, I'll need the money. And it's not like I'm missing anything.

Erik doesn't have work either, so we could have a fun day, but unfortunately right now he is sleeping. I want to go to the fabric store, and he has to drop off some papers for the new apartment we're trying to get, so maybe I can drag him out of the house after his nap.

Guess what arrived in the mail this morning? My Japanese textbook!!! Plus a kanji dictionary and a furigana dictionary. Yay!!! So because I am taking the day off, and it is going to be a busy weekend, I at least need to start reading the textbook and I need to watch another giallo for my paper. I'm beginning to hate this paper, actually.

In the Cold, Cold Ground

Today feels like it has been insanely long.

I spent the morning watching What Have You Done to Solange?, which was a strange film, but definitely a giallo, so it works for my paper. Then I rushed around getting dressed and eating lunch, and went to class. As much as I say I hate my Intro to Graduate Studies seminar, I really like it when we are in the classroom. So far every past class we have been at some library or other. I gave a bried presentation on Asian Theatre Journal, which I think went well. After class Erik and I had veggies with honey and curry sauce with rice for dinner, then we went to see Domino. I was pretty entertained. I have a crush on Keira Knightly, I love Mickey Rourke, and not only were three Tom Waits' songs in the film, but he was there! Being crazy! And singing! And then we went grocery shopping. Exciting, n'est pas?

I had a very quiet night. I browsed online and found a lot of things that inspired me. I chopped off my hair, again. I'll take pictures, if I remember. I drooled over Japanese furniture and home accessories. I made a list of crafts I want to do, such as sew the black pin-striped and red mesh skirt, stencil a Tom Waits shirt, make some cloth wristlets (or whatever you want to call them), and some scarves. My idea for the scarves is basically that one side will be the material that thermal blankets is made out of (hell, I might just go to Bed, Bath, and Beyond and buy a blanket for the material) and the other side will be soft, pretty solid or patchwork material. And there is 25% off sale at Fabric Place this weekend. I should probably go tomorrow before everything good is sold.

I think I know why today seems so long. It wasn't made up of a lot of small activities, like my days usually are, but rather four activities that each took hours. Movie, class, movie, browsing online.

Tomorrow I have work from 12 - 6. I have no idea what I'm going to do for that long, and I really don't feel like going. But I definitely need the money, and its not like I have pressing business here or elsewhere. I'll just arrive late, take a lunch break (decent vegetarian sushi in the library cafe!), and leave early. I also have to research this image based kabuki thing I want to write my major paper on for Intro to Grad Studies.

I wish my damn Japanese textbook would get here. Monday I start sitting in on classes, and Friday Nov. 4 I will start meeting with my tutor every Friday. I know I'm a quick learner when it comes to languages, but I definitely have a problem when I dislike who is teaching me. For example, I got a C in French 1, but I learned enough to converse on a basic level in Paris. So hopefully I get along with both the professor and the tutor.

Now it's time to join Erik in bed.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005


So tonight involved a big plus and a big minus.

The good news is that I submitted my first abstract for a paper. Basically I submitted my abstract to a prof. from U. Mich. who is trying to get a panel started at the next ATHE conference, which is the summer of 2006.

This is the proposed panel:
Abra Cadaver: the Dead Body in Performance and Spectacle

Von Hagens' Body Worlds exhibit elicited a variety of responses, from approval for the educational benefit to disgust at the idea of putting real dead bodies on display. Death and the spectacle of the dead body is often met with ambivalence by a society that celebrates the "truth" found through scientific inquiry along with fear and distaste at the idea of disturbing or displaying the dead. This panel will address situations that reveal and interrogate this ambivalence.

And here is my paper abstract:

John Webster’s Duchess of Malfi and Christopher Marlowe’s Edward II both present death scenes and corpses in a spectacular and degrading manner. In these plays the titular characters are subjected to the ultimate bodily manipulation and degradation, on account of their relationships with people of a lower class, before ambiguous murderers ruthlessly strip them of their lives. Based on the well-known argument that these murders are related to a desire, by the high-born side characters, to possess the bodies of Edward and the Duchess, how then would a modern audience react to the staging of these degradations and subsequents deaths? Could these plays effectively be staged today without a Grand Guignol-esque display of violence?

I plan to answer these questions by examining a number of modern productions of the two works. For example, the important relationship between death and sexuality is stressed by both Robert Woodruff’s 1993 production of Duchess of Malfi, which deals with sado-masochism, and Derek Jarman’s 1991 film of Edward II, which focuses on homosexuality. Obviously, the number of films and productions of these two works are miniscule compared to the popularity of other English Renaissance drama, Shakespeare in particular. Does the overwhelming spectacle of death present in both plays have anything to do with this? T.S. Eliot famously stated: “Webster was much possessed by death and saw the skill beneath the skin.” I believe that the preoccupation with mortality and the weakness of the body present in Edward II and The Duchess of Malfi are partly to blame for modern audience’s discomfort while spectating either of these plays.
Samm Deighan October 2005.

So basically I have to go through two steps: getting the panel accepted (that doesn't involve me at all), and then if it does, I have to see if my abstract gets accepted. Then I get the department to pay for me to fly to Chicago, or where ever this thing is, and present my paper. I am writing this regardless for my final paper, so I may submit the abstract to a few other places.


The bad news of the evening isn't really bad, just annoying. So far I've only watched, oh, maybe three out of the fourteen films I wanted to watch for my paper that is due on Halloween. Tonight I watched Pupi Avati's The House with Laughing Windows and the fucking film was NOT a giallo. It was rated in a bunch of top ten lists of giallo's, but it doesn't REMOTELY fit the pattern, and it is almost exactly like Lucio Fulci's The Beyond. So I did like the film, I just wish I hadn't wasted the evening watching a film for leisure, when there are other things I would rather do during my free time.

My desk is already a mess. I cleaned it about two days ago. I also haven't gone to yoga in a week and a half.
Honestly, I'm unorganized and exhausted right now, and all I want to do is spend a week or two not thinking about any sort of work whatsoever.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Working hard, or hardly working

So I'm at work, and I brought my laptop so I wouldn't be all alone. Of course I had to drag a chair alongside the copy machine, because behind it is the only outlet in the room. At least it is a relatively comfy arm chair and not a wooden disaster. I'm also marginally annoyed because there are a lot of other students here today, and I like to have the lounge to myself.

I will be here another six hours, 11am - 7pm. I have three major things to do today, and none of them seem to be going very well.
First, I had to stop at the Drama office to pick up colored paper and a flyer for me to photo-copy. Well, I left the paper in my car, and the flyer just has [LOCATION] where there should be a meeting location. And I just got an email saying that there is basically no room for us to meet in on Monday. The campus center is booked up, and the classroom we would meet in is free from 12:30 - 1:30, and our meeting is from 12 - 1. The plan was for me to print all these out, drop them back off at the drama office, and all the GOAT officers would flyer campus independently tomorrow. Looks like that isn't really going to happen. This general interest meeting has turned into such a procrastinated disaster.
Second, I had to stop by the bookstore and buy the Elementary Japanese textbook (I'll explain why in a bit), but they were sold out. They had every other Japanese text book known to man, except that one. So I just ordered $160 worth of Japanese text books and dictionaries on Amazon.
Third, I have a presentation due on Monday that I wanted to finish today. I have about 100 - 200 pages of photocopies I made last week that I have to go through, and boy is it bloody boring. I have print outs from six books, and I'm a little more than halfway finished the print out from the first book. Snore.

About Japanese. Yesterday I went to see the prof in charge of the dept, who told me to drop out of school and go to Japan... He also sent me to the professor in charge of teaching the language, and she and I decided that I am going to cram this semester with a tutor, and sit in on her classes (three times a week), so that next semester I will be ready to go into Japanese 2. The reason I have to do this is because Japanese 1 doesn't start again until Fall 2006. And I can't afford to wait that long. That's a lot of work, but I should be alright.

I think I'm going to be writing in here a lot today, particularly since I didn't bring anything else to do but work on my presentation.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

My nose is cold.

I feel like the weekend has been completely wasted.

Saturday I spent the morning and early afternoon re-reading Memoirs of a Geisha. Then we went grocery shopping, had lunch, and I bought food for the spiders. By the time we got home I had a chance to read ONE article before we had to go see Lear. The show didn't last as long as we though, and it also wasn't as bad. Kent, Gloucester, and Edmund were particularly good.

When we got home we somehow managed to get ourselves so awake and excited by talking, which used to happen a lot senior year of college, that we didn't get to bed till 3:30am. We weren't just talking though - I made my first pot of tomato sauce, which turned out to be amazing and delicious, and Erik searched online for a new apartment. It might seem like an abrupt change to look for a new apartment, but we don't like this one. We don't like: the location, how old everything is, the crappy lighting system, the huge, useless hallway, the lack of cabinets or counter-space in the kitchen, the fact that every room has about one outlet, and they are really old, the horrible paint, etc.

So today I went to a GOAT meeting that lasted three bloody hours, but we also had lunch and did a lot of talking about other things in the drama dept. After lunch I picked Erik up and we went to look at an apartment in Cambridge. It is $50 a month cheaper than our place, newer, and the same utilites are included. There is a laundry place within walking distance, and its basically the same size as our apartment. It has 2.5 bedrooms, a bigger bathroom, a kitchen that is a little bit smaller, but with cabinets and a counter, etc. And we can have pets there. We both love it, and we're calling about it tomorrow. Oh, it is also about ten minutes away from Center Sq., which is the same distance we are now from Davis Sq, only Center is nicer. And we can walk to Whole Foods!!! Then I picked up my shoes, which are as wonderful as I imagined.

Now I'm home, and I still have a lot of work to do. But I also have three things to think about.
1. I think my masters thesis is going to be on the spectacle of horror in Macbeth and The Duchess of Malfi. Tomorrow I have to talk to Laurence about that and see who my advisor is going to be. Hopefully Laurence.
2. I have to talk to him about learning Japanese, and then probably make an appointment with someone in the Japanese dept.
3. Claire, the Chinese drama expert in our dept, comes back from China tomorrow. One of my classmates, Ginny, was encouraged to go visit China (by Claire), because she was curious about whether or not she wanted to study a certain aspect of Chinese drama. I think I'm going to ask Claire the same thing about Japan, just to see what her advice is.
It makes me very excited and happy.

Tonight I have to read a book for Thursday, read the latest edition of Asian Theatre Journal, so I can do a report on it for Thursday, start Ortolani's The Japanese Theatre, and clean my horribly messy office. And maybe, just maybe, start to throw things away I don't need and prepare for packing!!! Huzzah!!!

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Why dost thou use me thus?

Tonight I have to spend (waste?) over three hours on the Boston College production of King Lear. I like the play, but I have so much to do, and so much I'd rather be doing.

We have to leave in 10 or so minutes.

I wish I could go shopping for winter clothes, buy the shoes that are waiting for me at Bert's, watch one of the giallo's for my paper, do more homework, watch Kill Bill Vol. 1 and Vol. 2, read about Japanese theatre and history, clean and organize my office, work on my collage, work on my play, sew my skirt by hand, search online for a wardrobe (because we hav e no closet in our bedroom), and a million other things.

But no.

Friday, October 14, 2005

It fucking figures.

So in July I bought a cheap-ass Singer sewing machine from Target. Possibly a bad idea. The whole time I have been trying to sew things (the past three or so months) I would get completely frustrated with every project, and I gave up on most of them. Tonight I went back to the sewing machine, because I wanted to make this awesome skirt. Erik got rid of a pair of pin-striped pants, which he gave me, and I cut and pinned together a skirt out of them, until all I had to do was sew. But after getting really frustrated and calling my grandparents (my grandmother has been doing professional quality sewing and quilting for the past forty+ years), I found out that the machine is broken, and it isn't my fault. That takes a weight off my shoulders and makes me feel positive toward craft-ing again. Basically every time I try to sew something, the stitching from the bobbin side (underneath) gets horribly bunched up, and looks like I tried to sew on fringe. So it is a timing or tension related problem, and now I need to take the machine down the street.

And the Holy Grail of maryjanes, these goddamned shoes I've been trying to buy for the past three weeks, are finally in at Berk's. The first time I tried to buy them, they had to order them. When I went in to pick them up, they were the wrong shoes. The third time I went in, they were the wrong size. Now I have tried on the shoes (the same kind in another color) and put a deposit on them, so when I go pick them up tomorrow morning, I'm going to murder someone if they are the wrong shoes/don't fit.

Tonight I re-bought Memoirs of Geisha, because I think I got rid of it in the process of moving from NJ to Boston, and I want to re-read it. I also bought a book about the hot-springs geisha. I still can't find my Liza Dalby book on geisha that I bought and read in Paris, and I loved that book, especially her approach as a scientist. I have so many Japanese related books to read, it is ridiculous.

I really want to find a Victorian/Gothic Lolita store in the area, but I think my best bet for that is online shopping.

It has been rainy and cold for the past week, and I desperately want some sunshine and warm weather.

I feel less stressed out than usual right now, because today at work I completely finished researching for my Classical Dramatic Theory presentation, and I read The Duchess of Malfi, which I am still too shocked to comment on. I think I am going to include Malfi with Macbeth in my paper on the spectacle of horror, which will potentially turn into a masters thesis. It's very exciting, and I'm going to talk to my advisor about it, and studying Japanese, on Monday.

After doing all that work (and being paid $10 an hour whilst doing it), Erik and I tried a new Korean place - Kaya. It wasn't as good as Koreana (there were a lot of white people there), but we had some very yummy umeshu, spice unari and cucumber rolls, spicy tuna and avocado, some other boring fish+cucumber roll, and shrimp and vegetable tempura. Every time I order tempura they serve this vegetable that tastes kind of like a sweet potato, and I am in love with it. They had a beautiful painting of birds and cherry blossoms that I wanted to take home with me.

I have to do a little work before I settle down to watch Pupi Avati's The House With the Laughing Windows, another film for my paper. Oooh - I also got Blood and Black Lace in the mail today. Lately I've been getting a package a day in the mai. Though the films are for my paper, I can admit that I definitely have a problem with spending...

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

The blustery day.

It's cold and dreary. Again.
Days (or weeks, as the case may be) like this make me want to banish myself to the couch, with loads of blankets, hot tea, and reading. Unfortunately I have things to do outside my apartment everyday, like class. And sometimes work.
But I'm really starting to wonder when the hell the superintendent (if you can call him that) is going to turn on the heat. He is a really nice old man, but I think his brains are a little scrambled, just due to the number of years he has under his belt. I really would like the heat to be turned on though.

Lately I find myself reading only the BBC world news. I have no idea what is going on inside the US, and I don't actually really care. I'm sure if something momentous happens the BBC will let me know. And this is actually the first time in my life I'm reading the news on a daily basis.

Yesterday my dad and stepmom sent me a box full of cute little Halloween decorations and candy. I get to go home in 15 days, and I'm very excited. I've always been close with my family, so I miss them a lot. I also have no friends here. Actually, I'm pretty sure I have no friends in general, other than Erik. The thought doesn't really bother me, I just feel very isolated. There is no one that I talk to about my private, personal life other than Erik. But honestly, when I go home I probably won't talk to anyone about it. I'm on such awkward terms with most of my friends from home anyway, that it would be both strange and inappropriate to open to people I feel like I barely know anymore.

Time to put on some clothes.

Monday, October 10, 2005

The religion of destruction

I just thought I would mention that for fun I'm currently reading Daniel Pinchbeck's Breaking Open the Head. In short, I would really recommend it. Most books on shamanism, certainly contemporary shamanism, are either New Age crap or very dry, scientific anthropology. Sometimes the anthropology is enough, but every once in a while it's great to read something like this.

The Act of Annihilation

I just concocted a brilliant scheme. Well, not really brilliant. By spending only around $70 I found a way to get 9 more giallos for my project. Most of these movies are imports, out of print, or otherwise hard to get when you aren't at a horror film festival. In case I haven't mention it before, I'm writing my first paper on an Aristotelian theory of the giallo. And in case you don't know what that means... in short, I am taking Aristotle's Poetics, an extremely famous work on the theory of poetry and drama that influenced ALL of Western dramatic theory, and applying those principles to my own theory of the Italian giallo. Since I have to have a broad enough range of films to work from, I just finished making my final list, and procuring those films. I should have them all by next weekend. Huzzah!

But here is the list, in order of director (I'm not including the Italian titles, because I'm a lazy son of a bitch, and most of you can't read Italian):

Mario Bava - The Girl Who Knew Too Much; Blood and Black Lace; Twitch of the Death Nerve aka the unedited print of Bay of Blood

Dario Argento - The Bird with the Crystal Plumage; Opera; Tenebre; Deep Red

Lucio Fulci - Don't Torture a Duckling

Sergio Martino - Next! aka The Strange Vice of Mrs Wardh; Torso; The Case with the Scorpions Tale

Andrea Bianchi - Strip Nude for your Killer

Pupi Avati - The House with Laughing Windows

Massimo Dallamano - What Have They Done to Solange?

Umberto Lenzi - Seven Blood Stained Orchids

15 films should certainly provide me with enough of a genre reference point. I should include more Bava and more Lenzi, but I could only get so many films, and I only have so much time to watch them all.

It is also very exciting to know that I'll have a more complete collection of giallos.

Random note: the ibook is going very well, I'm typing from it now. I only have three small problems.
1. I can't get AIM to install once I download it.
2. I already have 26G on my hard drive, and I have no idea what from.
3. Itunes isn't accepting all of my music, but it did on my Dell. I actually had to delete almost 15G of music, because the computer didn't have space for it.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Honestly your foot is out the door and I've got scores of offers elsewhere

Today feels like such a waste. Sure, I did some reading, but most of the day was (and still is) eaten up by me trying to organize all my music in both its folder and itunes. Pain in the ass.

I still don't really know how to work much on my computer.... oh. right.
So last night I got a new ibook. And a new printer.

But back to not being able to work things. I was a sworn PC user for most of my life, but I wanted a change. It isn't really that different. Most of the hot keys are the same. I can still use right click with my mouse. I can open all my files. And my PC looks even more ginormous than usual sitting on my desk next to the ibook.

I hate Sundays. All of them. I always mean to do so many things, but nothing ever really feels accomplished. And Erik has been gone all day, which is so strange. He is at a race in CT, and probably won't be back until 8. I wish he was here now, maybe he could help get rid of this feeling of strangeness.

Now I have to go read 100 pages of a play for Tuesday. At least I have tomorrow off...

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Desk Meme

What is on, in, and around your desk?

I thought this meme would quell the tedium of reading Il Pastor Fino, since a large portion of my life is centered around my desk.

On it:
My bulky, silver Dell laptop. A black desk lamp. Two black and gray computer speakers. An alabaster statue of Athena. A small, bright orange pumpkin. A large piece of quartz. A blue foam elephant from the Tufts' health services. A dark gray logitech mouse. A stack of 8 books for my "Church documents against the theatre from Tertullian to Sidney" presentation. No and Kyogen in the Contemporary World. Traditional Japanese Theater. Shakespeare in Japan. Breaking Open the Head by Daniel Pinchbeck. A History of Japan. A Guide to the Japanese Stage. A black moleskin notebook. A black dayplanner. A big black Yankee Candle candle that is called "Witches' Brew." A pink octopus toy. A big black pencil case. A small black make up bag. Random papers. A glass of soymilk. My cell phone. A vitamin. A free newspaper called The Student Underground. Yukio Mishima's My Friend Hitler and other plays and Death in Midsummer. Early Modern Japanese Literature. Teach Yourself Instant Japanese. Teach Yourself Beginner's Japanese Script.

Wow. Lots of Japanese related stuff, and lots of black.

In it: One drawer has a ton of school related papers, notes for my play and collage, receipts, and books of piano music. The other drawer has a black, coffin shaped box with pens and other office supplies. My ipod mini. Burt's Bees chapstick. Decemberist's tickets. Post-its. Headphones. Other ipod related things.

Around it: Me. My black office chair. A crappy printer under my desk. Lots and lots of wires. A huge pile of trash, papers, sweaters, books, etc. to go through. My keyboard is pressing up against it. The wall around it has a 2006 calendar with painting from the floating world. A pressed open pop-up book all about spiders. A puzzle-piece coarkboard with some papers tacked to it. A small collage of art inspired by the Minotaur myth. A Barbara Kruger print (or print-out, as the case may be) that says "Thinking of You" and shows a person stabbing themselves in the finger with a safety pin. A Zombie clock. A postcard advertising a Bruno Ganz film series. A huge postcard collage of Sandman postcards. My diploma from Rutgers, in the cheapest frame I could possibly find.

To buy or not to buy...

So yesterday didn't go at all as planned. That sort of thing happens a lot. We had a huge spaghetti dinner with sauteed vegetables and tofu. Soooo good. Lately, I think due to the weather getting a little colder, I've been in the mood for pasta. After dinner we went to the Cambridgeside Galleria. I bought two books about learning Japanese (one for speaking and one for reading/writing). I almost bought a digital camera, but I decided that since I can't decide on which one I really want, I'll just wait for Xmas. I also looked at the computers, and was contemplating buying a Toshiba. But then we went in the apple store.

Right now I have transferred enough money into my account to buy a 12 inch ibook, which, at $1000, is cheaper than I thought it would be. The question is, should I buy it, or not? I have a dell. Its big and bulky, which are my major complaints, and I keep having problems with it. The battery is dead. Something is very wrong with the registration clock. I keep telling myself that it isn't practical, which is really isn't. But now I have the money, and with steady checks every month from both work and my fellowship, I won't need to think about taking another loan out for awhile. And now, while I do have the money to buy a new computer, I should probably just get one.

And with that dilemma aired, I feel a little bit better. Today should prove to be kind of annoying though. I wanted to get as much work done as possible, but between going back to the galleria for a computer, being distracted by said computer, doing the laundry, going to yoga, and most likely going to see Lear tonight (for class), I feel like the day is already over. I've been getting that feeling a lot lately. But on the other hand, I have all day tomorrow, because Erik doesn't want me to go to his race. It's going to be cold and rainy, and I'm just going to be sitting on some shore in CT all by myself for about 8 hours, while Erik has to run all over the place. And Monday we have off, too.

Last night I saw The Godfather for the first time, and I loved it.

On a more personal note, I have two gynecological issues. First of all, I got those sponges a few weeks ago. I've used them once so far, and they aren't any more or less comfortable than tampons. Just harder to put in. I saw my new gynecologist this week, who is the nicest woman in the world, and she sent me an email with some information from the FDA saying not to use them, they could be dangerous, etc. I don't really trust the FDA, but now I'm not so sure about them. I wish I knew someone who used them regularly. My second issue is the Nuvaring. I really think I'm going to get it next month. It is a thin, two inch or so big ring, kind of like a small jelly bracelet, that you insert into the vagina and it is birth control. You only change it once a month, and take it out during your period. I don't normally stick anything up there, so it might be a little nerve wracking, but I think I'm going to do it. No more pill the same time every morning. And it is a steady supply of hormones, so they can give you less estrogen, which means less ups and downs.

It's dreary, rainy, and shitty outside. And even though it isn't hot out, it's uncomfortably humid.

Friday, October 07, 2005


Yesterday was strange. It was a weird mix of good and bad. As you may have noticed from my last point, I was extremely grumpy/angry in the morning. We attempted a shopping trip, but failed miserably, because I wanted it to be chilly fall weather, but it was hot and sticky out. Class went alright. The drive up and back wasn't so bad, because I had a really good conversation with one of my classmates who came with us. The library trip was boring and a waste of my time, because they specialize in everything American before the bicentenntial. Right. Afterwards we took showers and then headed out to Koreana, a yummy Korean place. We had Korean plum wine (I usually drink Japanese), Shrimp + veggie tempura, avocado+tuna+cucumber rolls, avocado+shrimp+cucumber rolls wrapped in baked eel, and a hot pot with rice, veggies, and tofu. Sooooo good. We still have some sushi left over. We got a parking ticket, which sucked. Then we went grocery shopping at Whole Foods and at a non-organic grocery store, and we spent a lot of money, but we were out of things like toilet paper, soap, etc. Of course when we came home we found out that Erik's bike got stolen from right in front of the apartment. That sucks a lot more than the damn parking ticket. At least we have a car though, and he isn't completely dependant on his bike. Then we watched Farscape and had lots of frozen yogurt to cheer him up.

Before bed I browsed around online to look at new computers, because I've finally decided that I want one. I'm going to need one in the next year or two anyway, so I should just get one while I can afford it.

Today is going to be very busy. I have to go stop at the shoe store, because these amazing Maryjanes that I ordered are finally in, and then I have to pick up my new birthcontrol. I have work from 12 - 5, which basically just means that I get to do a lot of schoolwork. After that I have yoga, then we're going to see a free Humanwine show from 8 - 9. Hopefully then we're going to go see Serenity. I think the new Wallace and Grommit film also comes out.

I have a lot more to say, but no time this morning.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

I Want to Yell. And Then Set Someone on Fire.

I fucking hate my Intro to Graduate Studies class.
I hate the articles we have to read. But I understand why we have to read them.
I hate the goddamned library trips, but I understood why we had to go to the Tufts' library, and the Harvard Theatre collection. They both useful, and not completely inconvenient. The Boston Athenaeum is another question entirely... We were there for three hours, and the guide wasted our time talking about these obscure library figures and obscure, boring paintings on the walls.
Today though, it has gotten ridiculous. We have to drive an hour to Worcester, and an hour back. Two fucking hours out of the way, and at least 100 miles in gas. There is no bus to take us, and no subway. And, the prof, who originally told us it was from 2:30 - 3:30, just sent out an email saying that the meeting is now from 3:00 - 4:30. Now that means that we have to drive back in rush hour traffic, and that we won't get home till probably 6. How is that fucking fair? It is a waste of my goddamn time, not that my time is remotely valuable. But this is supposed to be an introduction to graduate studies. It is supposed to be useful. I'm not learning a damn thing about researching, I'm just learning how to get to these remote libraries that specialize in early American history, which I have no interest in. Actually, there are few things I find less interesting than early American studies.

I'm in a really, really bad mood. I should try to pull myself out of it though, because today is Erik's birthday.

Some positive things...
I gave my presentation yesterday, and it went pretty well. I talked too much though, and the professor had to remind me that I only had 1 minute left.
My computer seems to be back to normal, though I still have to call dell about the problem with my registration clock, I have to get a new battery, and I should probably just wipe everything and reinstill the operating system.
I still haven't made any firm decisions in regards to Japanese, but I think I'm going to audit it next semester.
I've also made some tentative decisions about my masters thesis, and I'm going to talk to Laurence next week about doing it on performances of Macbeth, and the spectacle. I'm also definitely doing this topic for my Shakespeare final paper.
Also... I'm more enthused about the Shakespeare seminar next semester. It is about textual authority and performance, which is pretty exciting.
And the best news of all is that I got my first fellowship check, and I will be getting them in increments every month. Hooray for money.

Monday, October 03, 2005

I was born a rambling man.

1 presentation finished. Now I just have to, well, present it. On Wednesday.

Last night my computer completely freaked out, and I thought I was going to have to get a new one. I have entertained thoughts of getting a new one, because this one is bulky and glitchy, but I don't really want to spend that kind of money. So I am much relieved. I also got my fellowship check today, or what I hope is only part of my fellowship check, because I was told I was getting a lot more than the check (even though I don't think I've ever gotten a check this big before).

I'm also undergoing the mental dilemma of whether or not to learn Japanese. Basically, I've been reading this book on Japanese theatre, and I bought two more, because I absolutely love it. But I can't do any scholarship without knowing the language. Learning the language will take me a few years of hard study, and I'll probably have to go to Japan for one of those years. So it will be a lot of work, so I kind of have to decide now. It's very exciting and scary at the same time. I also have to talk to my advisor about a new Masters thesis topic, because after looking over some books I discarded the old topic. I'm thinking my new topic is going to be an extension of my final paper for my Shakespeare class - The Evolution of the Spectacle in Macbeth.

I <3 Regina Spektor.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Let me start this out by saying that I never go clothes shopping...

But tonight I found so much nice stuff.
I bought:
An awesome black skirt that looks like a layered petticoat.
A super soft black turtleneck
A black long sleeved shirt
Underwear and 2 bras
A black satin nightie
Cute shoes that will also hold up in the snow
A blank tan shirt so that I can make a Tom Waits shirt
Awesome socks
Sandalwood perfume that smells SO good
Two books on Japanese theatre

In fact, this weekend we got a bunch of nice things from Erik's mom and aunt:
A huge bag of fresh English walnuts
A box of homegrown grapes
A nut cracker
Two little homegrown pumpkins
A microwave
A grilled sandwich maker
A wafflemaker
Spiced wine
Halloween decorations, towels, dishware, socks, candles, etc.
An unbaked apple pie, a pumpkin pie, tomato sauce for the freezer, apple bread, pumpkin bread, etc.

And I also ordered online:
A pair of $4 red cloth maryjanes so that I can make Kill Bill shoes.
Two pairs of knee high vertically striped "stockings"

I still have to get: gloves, a hat, a scarf or two, and a winter coat. I also need more basic winter clothes. I found the most amazing winter coat on Nordstrom's, I just have to decide if I want to spend that much money on a coat after I spent so much tonight. It is a beautiful black, shin-length, "pencil coat" with a high collar, and made of angora and wool. Needless to say, I love it. I'm going to consult with my dad and stepmom, who is the shopping genius, about whether or not its worthwhile.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Holy Shit...

Tom Waits is in Domino!