I Will Kill Thee and Love Thee After

Location: Boston, Massachusetts, United States

I'm a first year graduate student at Tufts University in the Drama department.

Friday, November 25, 2005

A Brief Thanksgiving

I'm back in MA. Erik and I wound up leaving Thursday night (of last week) for NJ, and so we left last night after Thanksgiving dinner #2. It is good to be home, and nice to have quiet time and catch up on some work.

I had a pretty busy week. I hung out with Mike, Lauryn, Megan, Amanda, and Riss, and still managed a few quiet nights at home. I saw my dad a lot, and my other grandmother took me sweater shopping. I saw Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire twice, once on IMAX. I played almost every Super Nintendo game we own. Thanksgiving dinner was delicious, well, they both were, as I ate with my mom's parents, and my dad's family. It was also on the quiet side, which was very nice. Erik and I had some of the Turducken, so we weren't very faithful fishitarians yesterday. I have to say that it was damn good, though. I also had crab about 8 million times. My grandmother made her special crabcakes for dinner Sunday, I had delicious crabmeat cheesecake with onions and mushrooms for lunch Tuesday, and Wednesday and Thursday my uncle had his special crabcakes out. I'm kind of kicking myself for not bringing a few of the left-over cakes back. Speaking of left-overs, we have a ton. I kind of wish we only had healthy food, but its too yummy to resist.

Overall it was a really nice week, and I had some very calming realizations about school. My main plan now is to finish up my MA at Tufts, and then next Fall apply to several PhD programs in Comparative Lit. If I improve my GRE scores I might even be able to get into Brown or Princeton, or maybe Harvard. (Yeah... right.) I realized I don't belong in an English department, because my major interests are contemporary Japanese and nineteenth century Northern European drama. I.e. languages that are not English. But I still want to specialize in drama, I just don't feel like I'm learning very much at Tufts. I also have a concrete plan for my Masters Thesis. I want to focus on nineteenth century northern European drama. I have two ideas. #1 is the same as my Senior undergrad Thesis: the influence of French comedy on Wedekind's Lulu Plays. My thesis was crap and I didn't explore the ideas nearly as fully (or as articulately) as I would like. #2 is a study of the "dance of death" as represented in the dramatic literature of that period. Here is an example: In Strindberg's Miss Julie and Ibsen's A Doll's House, the two female protagonists each perform increasingly feverish, sexual dances that illustrate their psycological move toward death, real or symbolic. (Nora doesn't actually die, but she completely abandons life). The great modernist composer Stravinsky's The Rites of Spring actually featured a ballerina dancing herself to death at the original performance. I believe Dali also has a painting (or several paintings) feauturing a dancer with a death-mask. Why all these images? There has to be a fruitful thesis behind all that.

Over the week Erik and I finished Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, and tonight we're going to begin Harry Potter and the Prizoner of Azkaban, so I better go finish up my homework reading before he comes back from the grocery store.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Dreams so bad I threw my pillow away

This week has been a blur.
Sunday I made Erik brownies with crushed candy canes and dark and milk chocolate chunks sprinkled on top. That night I had horrible dreams and tossed and turned all night. Thus Monday was a haze, a cranky haze at that. Tuesday I took the day off and accomplished very, very little. My package from Avalon arrived at the last possible moment, and everything is lovely. I got shampoo and conditioner, two different kinds of face wash, toner, body moisturizer, and facial moisturizer. It all works very well and comes highly recommended. Tuesday Erik and I watched Eddie Izzard’s Dress to Kill again, and I had an evening full of little frustrations. Wednesday class was as dull and annoying as usual, but it is almost over. At night we went to Friday’s for a dinner of greasy appetizers (greasy, but comfort food), and they actually remembered to take the bacon off the potato skins. We got the new Depeche Mode album, Playing the Angel, which has turned out to be really good. I am listening to it on repeat this morning. And speaking of angels, I’ve decided on my next tattoo. It is a black and white engraving from 1470 entitled Michael and the Dragon, by Martin Schongauer. Look it up – it is definitely a thing of beauty. Also, before bed last night, I watched the always entertaining Constantine. I swear, that film is the only thing that got me through the second half of an 8 hour flight from Paris this summer.

I am desperately awaiting break. I need it so badly… I have class today, and then tonight I have a lot of Japanese work to do. Tomorrow I have work, and then we only have one more class on Monday before I can drive home. The only think I am looking forward to until then is finishing up a bunch of things this weekend, and Harry Potter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tomorrow.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Another busy weekend…

...but also very pleasant.

Friday we went out to dinner for crappy bar seafood in Central Sqaure, and then we went “clothes” shopping. And by clothes, I mean godiva chocolate truffles (candy cane truffles rock my world), Yankee candles (Christmas cookie smells a million times better than any Christmas cookie in existence), and… *drumroll* …a Playstation 2 and a new TV. Needless to say we are NOT getting eachother Xmas presents this year. We got a few games as well: Capcom Classics, Final Fantasy X, Kingdom Hearts, and Silent Hill 3. Erik is going to buy Final Fantasy 7 and Marvel vs Capcom 2, as soon as he can find them on ebay.

Saturday we completely finished moving. FINALLY. I feel like the past five years of my life were spent in transit, and it is nice to be in an apartment that is (or at least feels like it is) completely ours. And we love it. The only problem we had is that the large couch wouldn’t fit through the door, so no more sofa bed, not that we get many visitors. We donated a hell of a lot of crap to Goodwill, Salvation Army, and random street corners. Saturday night when we drove past Davis Square to pick up Jamie, all of it had disappeared. We had a decent dinner at Koreana. I think we just had a better time than we did a meal, so it was all worth it. We also stopped at the Porter exchange, which has a Japanese bakery, food-court, bubble tea stand, and grocery store. There was Pocky for all. Erik for some reason fell asleep at 9pm, and I stayed up almost too late playing Kingdom Hearts.

Today we did a lot of busy-stuff. Grocery shopping, laundry, apartment cleaning, and so on. I did find some amazing mango-ginger Stilton at Trader Joe’s, and it comes HIGHLY recommened. I also tried something else new: I bought POM pomegranate-mango juice, and Erik accidentally bought a bottle of selzer water. I usually hate selzer, but I mixed them together and it's damn good. Tonight I have a lot more Japanese homework to do. I’m a little bit less than halfway through it, but I think it’s going well. I also plan to make brownies with candy canes sprinkled across the top, because Erik and I seem to be going through a chocolate peppermint phase. And tonight hopefully we can read another chapter of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, and maybe fall asleep to a film, now that there is finally a TV in the bedroom…

Friday, November 11, 2005


Studying Japanese is infinetely more exciting than reading what Ben Jonson has to say about tragedy. I understand why I have to take this Classical Dramatic Theory seminar, but DAMN is it boring sometimes...

My tutor and I came up with a studying regime for me to learn enough to take Japanese II, and basically I have to do a chapter a week, and then two chapters over winter break, by myself. I find it really exciting though, so I think if I do a little every day, I can finish it. She also told me about this great Japanese baker in the mini-mall in Porter square that I have to try, and I told her where to find Choya (yummy plum wine) really close by.

I wish I had a hiragana keyboard, so I could practice my letters more quickly, but I guess I'm just going to have to write them all out.

Around it goes.

At work again. It seems as though I'm always at work in these posts, but this is where I have the most time to write, and the internet is a bit more stable than at home.

Right now I'm drinking blueberry tea. It's interesting, but I'm not sure about it yet. I have a meeting with my tutor in a little under an hour, and my Japanese is not going well. I hope she can help me work out a concrete schedule, or else I'm never going to make it into Japanese 2 next semester.

I'm trying to think about what I've done since Tuesday... Played a lot of Game Cube. Mostly Ocarina of Time. Watched The Aviator, which was not worth my three hours. Cate Blanchett was the best thing about the film, and I'm sorry there wasn't more of her. Went to class. Took a lot of naps. And last night Erik and I got through two and a half chapters of Harry Potter. I really enjoy having someone to read to, as well as being read to.

This weekend should be pretty busy. Saturday morning we are going to finish moving - just my vanity and the couches, and then we have to do a quick cleaning. That evening we're going out to dinner with Jamie, one of our friends from class. We are also going warm clothes shopping at some point, because I only have knee-length skirts to wear, and about two sweaters.

For lunch today I got a goat cheese and sundried tomato from the cafe down the street. I have high hopes for this place, and I want to try the salad NOW. But I have to wait until it's time to meet with my tutor, or else I won't really have a reason to be in the library cafe, when I'm supposed to be in the graduate lounge.

The lounge is blessedly quiet this morning/afternoon.

My friend Robin, who also has a blogger, keeps posting on her livejournal about her new polaroid camera. I think I have polaroid envy... I just can't get into digital cameras, but I don't have the time to devote to a "real" camera. And I fucking hate it when other people develop my pictures.

Because Erik loves me very much, he is driving half an hour to the main Fed-Ex center in MA to pick up a package we missed. It is either a package containing Maneki Neko and two strings of miniature paper lanterns, or a box of all the tea we ordered from Stashtea.com. Then we have to go pick the other one up after work. I am also eagerly awaiting a package from Avalon, but that will hopefully come to the proper address.

Everyone should get a subscription (only $10 a month) to Cait Kiernan's Sirenia Digest. It will contain illustrated erotic vignettes and other short fiction, as well as occasional extra goodies, like monster doodles, coupons to Subterranean Press, etc. Go to greygirlbeast on livejournal -or- www.caitlinrkiernan.com to find out more. If anyone deserves your $10 a month, she surely does.

And now I must go eat my salad and speak very little Japanese very poorly.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Ho, ho, ho.

I forgot to mention the idea I had for this Xmas. I don't really get along with my mom's side of the family very well, but I am relatively close with my grandparents, and I see everyone during the holidays. I am expected to buy some of them Xmas presents, but... Well, there are a number of issues. One being that I don't even know them. So all I can get them for Xmas is useless crap, rather than a meaningful, personal gift. This year, instead of wasting my money, I have an idea. I'm thinking of picking a charity, probably Oxfam, and just donating the money I would have spent on Xmas presents. I'll probably do that with some of my relatives on my dad's side as well, because it is the sort of thing they would appreciate. Esp my grandparents.

Pray you, who does the wolf love?

For some reason I am exhausted today. I had an appointment with a nutritionist this morning, and when I came home I had to take a nap. If there was a bed in the graduate lounge, I would take another one right now.

Roughly four more hours at work. I have a long list of things do to - mostly reading - and I wonder if I will be able to finish it all? Right now I'm not even halfway through Coriolanus, and that was #1 on my list.

I need to get a new face wash, because I'm almost out of my Burt's Bees line. I was happy with it, but I still think I can find something a better for my skin. I'm looking at Lush cosmetics and Avalon Organics. I think I might get Avalon's lavender line for sensitive/dry skin.

Oops, I was so busy looking at face products that I completely forgot about this entry. I was reading a ton of reviews about Avalon lavender, and I think I'm going to give it a try.

Monday, November 07, 2005

The internet works. Or does it?

So last night I had a brief moment of “I can’t take it anymore” and today I decided to take the day off. On one hand I’m a little sad that Erik won’t be home till 9ish, but on the other hand I will really have an entire day to myself. I plan to make a yummy dinner, even though Erik will be home late. There is also more organizing to be done, reading, and Japanese homework. Though tomorrow I will be at work from 2 – 8, so I might put the reading off till then. There is, as always, a long list of things I need to do, but I feel pretty relaxed. Finally.

Last night we didn't go see the Tigerlillies. Instead we watched Elizabeth, I read Yoga Journal, VegNews, and Fine Cooking, did Japanese homework, and then Erik read me more Harry Potter. We spent the entire day shopping for more apartment stuff, and then grocery shopping, so we just wanted a quiet night.

I registered for classes next semester earlier today. This is my schedule:
Monday 1:30 - 4:30 History of Popular Entertainment
Tuesday 6:00 - 9:00pm Japan and Post-modernism
Wednesday 1:30 - 4:30 Modern and Contemporary Chinese Theatre

And Japanese II, hopefully. But I won't get any credit for that. I still feel as though I'm sluggishly moving through exercise 1, but I am learning all on my own. I really think the summer program in Vermont is going to be my best bet to advance at all in Japanese. I need to find a fucking class in Japanese drama. Or at least someone in Boston to give me a syllabus of a past class or just anything.

I made oatmeal-raisin-pecan cookies with no vanilla extract or baking soda, and I'm still not sure if I like them. I guess I'll have to wait for Erik's verdict. I did some yoga and took a looooong shower (hey, I'm not paying for it). I guess I should either do something productive, or just relax some more.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Aller ou ne pas aller?

So we are all moved in - except the couches, my vanity, and a few odds and ends that my uncle will help us move on Saturday. We are also almost completely unpacked. I have to take pictures to show my family when I go home for Thanksgiving, and I'll probably post some on here. We only get free internet in the living room, and the signal is weak. I already tried to post one entry this morning, but it didn't work, so I feel as though I have to be quick.

I really don't want to go to class tomorrow. It's strange, but I haven't felt this way all semester. I just want a whole week to myself and the new apartment, where I don't have to bother with anyone.

I feel like we've spent a lot of money lately, but most of it was given by our families, so I guess I shouldn't feel as bad.

The Tiger Lillies concert starts in twenty minutes, and I feel like Erik and I are just waiting each other out, trying to figure out who is going to say "I don't want to go" first. I do want to go, but I have SO bloody much to do. So far we've bought tickets to the Decemberists, the Dresden Dolls, and another band or two that we haven't gone to, because we just didn't feel like it an hour or so before the show. And to tell the truth, I'd much rather stay here. I haven't done any of the reading tomorrow, and I have Japanese online homework that I need to finished. We just have to stop spending $30+ on tickets, and then decide we aren't going to go. We might as well buy them at the door.

16 minutes by my computer clock, and 22 mins by the blogger's clock...

Oh - I used my Nuvaring for the first time today, and I can't feel it at all. I'm a little paranoid that it isn't in, and I haven't been getting any birthcontrol all day, but I guess I'll have to work up the nerve to check.

Friday, November 04, 2005


The past two days have been a whirlwind of moving and being busy.

Thursday morning we went to the RMV and my registration address was successfully changed. Erik did the laundry, because he loves me. We did some more errands and packing. Class was blessedly only an hour and a half, and afterwards we did a LOT of packing. Then we went to Office Max and Erik bought me a new desk, which I really like. He also got these filing cabinet-type bins for all of our articles, print outs, and old class notes. We went to Target and bought SO much stuff. Two night tables, which are actually hollow for storage, a matching frog set for the bathroom: toothbrush holder, trashcan, shower curtain, and little curtain rings with frogs and ducks. I also bought a snap-together organizer for my craft stuff, an awesome new hamper, and I -think- that's it. We stopped by the new apartment to drop off that and the laundry. Before bed we ate just about everything in site, because we didn't really have dinner. We ate more of the tagine, which was really, really yummy, and we made awesome tuna melts. I packed up all the rest of the books in the office. We didn't get to ready anymore Harry Potter though, because Erik was dropping dead from exhaustion.

Today so far we went to the Cambridge parking office, and they were complete assholes. I had to call my dad, who promised to call the insurance company, because we have to get the car registered in both of our names, or else I can't get a parking permit. They say that even though my father owns the car, and it is typical for parents to buy their children cars, it doesn't matter and in order to get a permit, the car must be registered in my name. I can't do that, because there is a lien out on the car. So hopefully it can be registered in both.

We picked up the truck from U-Haul, and we moved all the bookshelves, some other random furniture, and the bed. Then I helped Erik load up the truck with a ton of boxes and all the books before I came to work. Today is going to be a bit ridiculous. I arrived at work 40 mins late, and I'm going to leave an hour early. To make it even better, I'm meeting my Japanese tutor in the library cafe at 1:30, probably for an hour. So I'm being paid for 6 hours and I'm actually working about half that. I feel bad, but today is just so crazy. I feel even worse, because Erik is now left to move everything himself. I'm also moderately annoyed, because the lounge is both crowded and kind of a mess. Someone left their library books here.

I feel really, really bad that Erik pretty much has to do all the moving himself. It was his idea, and he understood (at the time of making these plans) that I had to work all day. But I feel like I never do anything around the apartment(s) and he does it all. He washes the dishes, puts them away, does the laundry, and now he has to move a truck full of boxes (and whatever else he decides to do today - we have the truck till 6ish), and he has a bunch of furniture to build - the dresser, my desk, the entertainment center... And whenever I have to do any errands he always comes with me, because I still don't really know my way around the greater Boston area. I want to do something really nice for him, I'm just not sure what I should/could do. Either buy him something rowing related, take him out to a nice dinner, or buy/make him something he really wants.

Ugh. I really don't want to be at work today. I love and hate my job, for weird reason. I love it, because I get to sit here, making $10 an hour, doing nothing but school work. No one supervises me; no one really knows if I get here late or leave early. No one cares if I go on a lunch break, if I go check out library books, or if I print out a billion things, or make 100,000 photocopies. That is also the reason I hate it. I feel like I am going to take advantage of it too much, and my boss is really, really nice. Like today, I really want to leave at 4, instead of 5, and I just might. It's crazy though; when I tell my boss I can't work a certain day, he pays me anyway!

Right now I just want to be in the new apartment, helping Erik move in, and unpacking. I think I am going to have lunch/see my tutor Riyo (I was wise enough to pack lunch, so it looks like I'm actually doing something in the library cafe), do some of my reading for class on Monday, and then cut out of here early. Wow, I just had to help someone un-jam paper for the copier, and I think that will be the only time today I will help someone. Even if I stayed here till midnight, rarely does anyone need help.

Now I'm going to get ready to go to the library cafe, and hope that they have a table open.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Headacheville, USA

So I have a headache. I think I've actually had one for the past three weeks straight. The only cure is more cowbell...

Actually, I think the only cure is a quick, successful move and the end of the semester. Why does everything have to be so frelling difficult? Class was torture today, but tomorrow at least we only have half a class. But I found out all about getting a Cambridge permit, and I think it's going to be a pain in the ass. We have to have two pieces of post-marked mail, and my registration switched to the new address. So today Erik sent us some mail, and tomorrow we are going to the DMV. Hopefully everything will run very smoothly. Worst case scenario is that the insurance company has to get involved, and send us all sorts of paperwork, just to change a fucking address. Where the RMV is involved, worst case scenario seems likely, but tonight I will wish on every star in existence, so that we are in an out in under an hour with no problems.

Tonight I'm making Moroccan tagine, which better be good. Gods help it. My head hurts entirely too badly to do much work, so I'll probably spend most of the evening packing.

Flying Robert

I really don't want to go to class today. I have already mentally checked out of the semester, which is both funny and kind of a shame. There are fifteen days till Thanksgiving break, and that basically marks the end of the semester. And most of the next two weeks will be consumed with packing, moving, and unpacking, so I'm sure it will pass very quickly. We have two trucks rented, which is a little ridiculous, but whatever. We have one truck for Friday. Erik is going to move the bed, and as much as he can without help (I have work all day). Then next weekend we have another truck, and my uncle is going to help us move big, heavy things, like the couches, and my vanity. So technically we get to move in this Friday, which I'm very excited about. Last night we went to Target and bought a TV stand and a dresser, and we stopped by the new apartment to drop them off. Its sooooo nice. I think tomorrow we're going to go there so Erik can put them together, and I can clean/unpack a little. I will get my own office, with a little cubby space for my sewing table. I think we're going to go back to Target for a mirror and two night-tables for our bed. I just can't express how excited I am to actually have a nice, modern apartment in such a good location.

I've learned almost all the hiragana so far, though I do think I'm moving too slowly with my Japanese. I meet with my tutor Friday, and next week I HAVE to start sitting in on class. I'm also managing to take Japan and Post-Modernism next semester for graduate credit, even though it is technically an undergraduate seminar.

On Sunday we're going to see the Tiger Lillies, which is very exciting. Right around the corner from our new apartment!

As usual, I have the feeling that there is so much I want to say, but we have to leave for class in a little over an hour, and I have a lot of crap to do.